Some weeks ago I was speaking to friends who were participating in a local “Singles” weekend. They were commenting on the attitudes of some of the participants. Many were outgoing, friendly, and in general were what they expected to find at this type of event. Others were laid back, shy, generally quiet and seemed to blend into the background. Some lacked interest, seemed to be without social graces, were arrogant to the point of disdain, and in general, were standoffish, exuded a “me only” attitude and presence. There were also those who projected a feeling of depression that bordered on surrender to their fate. In other words, the group represented a typical cross section of the general population. But they were “Singles,” assembled for a specific purpose – to meet prospective future life partners.
Searching for a spouse can be a lengthy and intense process. Everyone hopes that ultimately the goal will be achieved. When it does happen, is it luck or the result of hard work? With each encounter, individuals should, hopefully, learn from their experiences and improve on their successes. Bottom line, it comes down to being in the right place at the right time and recognizing the right opportunity when it comes. However, even meeting the “bashert” requires personal effort. So what can one do to improve the chances of one’s success?
This is America. America invented Marketing. Marketing means “the process or technique of promoting, a product or service.” Some Singles appear to be part of the only group of Americans unaware of this. Rather than marketing themselves, how many Singles go out into the world with a shopping list? “I’m looking for the perfect mate: “tall, dark, handsome, rich, a professional…”; “medium height, brunette, great figure, sense of humor,…”. Okay, now that we know (or maybe not) what we’re looking for, what have we got to offer? The fact is, some Singles seem to be so busy looking to buy, or are just shopping, that they spend little, if any time marketing and promoting themselves.
It should now be explained that I am a Life Coach. Many (certainly not all) of the people that I work with feel a need to reinvent, or redefine themselves as marketable entities (my description, not theirs). Specifically, we work on what they can do to increase their self-awareness. Emphasis is placed on clients improving attitudes towards themselves, recognizing and fortifying their strengths, identifying their goals and maintaining a high level of optimism and enthusiasm throughout their search. The expression “success breeds success” is very accurate. Watch what happens to people that have positive experiences. Look at their faces, admire their smiles. Their posture improves as does the tonality of their speech and their choice of words. Everything about them exudes charm, warmth and happiness. Their health improves! These are people that others would like to be near, would like to get to know. These are people that create an aura of receptivity to themselves, what they have to say and what they have to offer. These are the people who will achieve their goals. These are the people who successfully market themselves.
Looking for a prospective spouse should be the ultimate marketing and sales exercise. An individual can be taught the accepted methodology, such as joining organizations, volunteering, finding network contacts and so on. They can be coached in how to carry on telephone conversations, network with potential partners, be “interviewed,” “negotiate” and “close the deal”. They can be taught how to dress, how not to dress, what to say, what not to say, how to follow up after a date, accept rejection or savor the feeling of success. Sounds like someone looking for a job, doesn’t it? However, unlike those who are unemployed and are urged to implement all of these directions, Singles generally don’t apply these criteria to their actions or activities.
Singles may be the only group that in which some members approach one another with a buy-buy attitude. Imagine two people at that Singles weekend, each trying to find the person matching most, if not all of the criteria on their shopping lists. What was their attitude going in? Were they looking to buy, or to sell? How did they find and speak to one another? What did they say? Were they dressed to kill, inappropriately casual, or in the proper context for the occasion? Did they express interest in their partners, or were they so busy talking about themselves that their audience lost interest? Did they keep their commitments by arriving at activities at the agreed time, or did they expect that showing up was enough? Were they generous in their giving, or did they expect only to get? Did they criticize others, or were positive in their interactions?
How did they meet new people? Did they automatically avoid those that appear to lack the physical characteristics on their list, or did they easily interface with others, regardless of their external trappings?
Those who participated in the Singles weekend brought the answers to these and other questions with them.
There is a chance that the weekend was successful and they met who was potentially THE ONE. There is a definite possibility that their participation resulted in a continuing search. It is also possible that someone met at the weekend has a friend, or has a friend that has a friend, and so on, that is THE ONE. Who is to know? How can one tell?
The fact is that there is no way of knowing in advance. One thing, however is certain – it is far more likely to have someone remember you if you are friendly and interested in them as people, regardless of whether they possess the shopping list criteria, than if not. Is it preferable to have gone into the weekend as a marketer and salesperson, or as a critical shopper?
If it’s the marketer, then every weekend and every personal encounter will end with a positive result – at the least, with an expanded personal network. If it’s the critical shopper, then – well, what then? What has one gained?
Doesn’t it make sense to take the marketing approach? It’s never too late. By working as a marketer, the individual will create an entity worth marketing. If you haven’t done so already, then think about Recreating Yourself as a Marketable Entity You’ve got nothing to lose, and only a lifetime of potential happiness and success to gain.
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